Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
they're like a gay fantastic four
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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