They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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