I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
