that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
