Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
