At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
