and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
