you guys were way drunker than both of me
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
