my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
