Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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