accomplished twins. life is a go
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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