So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
