At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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