I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
