Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
