I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
