My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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