sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
