hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
