I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
