Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
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