i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
tell me about the fingering
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
