after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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