I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
