her vagine was all disorganized.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
