Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
