I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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