Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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