He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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