I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
