I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
