There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Come share oat with me in your robe
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
