im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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