So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
