it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
