in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
