Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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