If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
