Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
