the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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