Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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