If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
