well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize