Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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