Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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