Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
