porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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