so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize