The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
