I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
