yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
