yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Randomize
