Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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