at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
