Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize