I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
