chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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