The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Your tits are I can't wait for
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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