Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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