I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
