My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
