Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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