she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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