hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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