Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
