Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
