Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
