your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
My room smells like vodka and shame
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Randomize
