oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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