i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
