Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
