I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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