I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
