Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
