I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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