That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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