how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
