am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
