why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Randomize
