good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
