I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I don't deserve a penis
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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