I hate your face
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
