you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
