i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
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