yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
