So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
