Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
