Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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