fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
