Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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