And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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