Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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