Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
