This is not my ceiling
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
